I am taking things from an old journal which I plan on deleting at some point and saving those or parts of the multitudes of entries, here. Until here becomes the old one and the process continues. I want to always remember these days as they were then, not as they ended up being. I want to remember who I was. I want to remember what it felt like at that time, at that place with that person. I am not going to stop moving forward or even consider trying to go back – I only wish to keep remembering so that I can put myself back on the even keel I used to be on. I am not in any way shape and or form trying to live in the past – this is more of a way for me to regain some semblance of a person who felt something so deeply and was so sure of the future.

The first time we met in person after a year of communication online through the other journal, text messages, video and long distance phone calls.

Walking in Golden Gate Park with her. Holding her hand that first time, and all times thereafter. The first kiss… and all the others. Watching Dvd’s in bed. Sharing Ben n Jerry’s ice-cream after the boat ride… the ring and best of all her love. Carrying her to the doorway so that I could carry her over the threshold, only to realize that the door was closed. Fires in the fireplace. Tea lights casting a beautiful glow in the room. Seeing her sleep. Walking all the way up Haight street. Once. Her beating me when we played pool. Sliding down the hillside to the beach, instead of taking the stairs. Having her point out that we should have taken the stairs. Point this out again and again. Laughing. Holding her as the sun set over the ocean. Not laughing at me, but with me when I would dance at any odd time. Letting me whistle even if my whistle has holes in it. Packing my suitcase. Back rubs. Just being the most beautiful person in the world.

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