My thoughts have been running circles around my golf clubs which have been stowed these past few years, deep within my small cluttered bedroom closet. Wonders it is that such a small closet could manage to hide so many things. Even an entire set of clubs resting in their bag.
I was thinking lately of dragging them out, dusting them off and taking a swing or two out at the driving range. Somehow I have not as yet come to grips with why I pushed them into the closet without so much as a second glance. There was a time when playing golf or a trip to the driving range would be something I happily looked forward to. The connection between myself and the contact with the ball. The balls flight through the air, the aiming at a target, the swing and rethinking of it all.
But just as I walked away without a second glance from a 13 year relationship I also pushed aside all we shared including those clubs which had been a gift. The clubs some how held us together I think. But just like our relationship, they didn’t bend and they didn’t change … and just like me they never said a word about why or when or what they may have been thinking. Perhaps because I just really didn’t know. Perhaps driven like the ball from the tee, somehow I needed to fly.
Thinking. I am a person who will trudge through without a complaint. But then I walk away leaving everything askew without it or them or a person or anything understanding or knowing or suspecting something was ever out of place. I realize there is a certain amount of wrong with this. How can anyone be expected to understand the game if I never divulge the rules? And I understand the confusion I leave behind but I also understand the tremendous amount of relief I feel when I finally turn that corner and never look back.
But now over 3 years later and another relationship weaving feelings weighed down by questions … I seek relief. Perhaps it is time to take the clubs out and take a swing.